When it comes to the word moderation I can tend to get a little wound up!
Especially when it’s used in the way that most people phrase it, the diet industry especially is ‘Everything in moderation”.  Hell if moderation had of worked for me then I would never have gotten so huge!

The reason I’m writing this post is mostly for myself to come to peace with where I am at! However I know that there are several others out there that feel like they are broken because frankly they just can’t come to grips with everything in moderation.  I’m here to tell you that neither can I.  I’ve never been able to do moderation, this is my personality type.  

For years I’ve thought this was a fault and something to be ashamed of, as I’ve gotten a little older and wiser I’m starting to come to grips with my reality that it’s OK that I don’t do well with moderation!

The word moderate means: “Being within reasonable limits; not excessive or extreme”

Now I’d love to say that I can be moderate but it is without a doubt that I am NOT a girl that can do moderation!
I’m extreme.
I’m Intense.
I’m overly Passionate.
I‘m over the top.
With everything!
I’m a lot to handle for some who don’t understand me.
This is one of the reasons I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t consider myself an alcoholic but I know I could easily become one.  My father is and I tend to have the same tendencies as him so that is one area of my life that I just have to abstain.  When it comes to food however one cannot abstain because we need food to live!

So I’m a perfectionist, if I set out to create something (and this is my job as I’m a sewer), you can bet it will be the best and if it’s not then I will start again, I’m extremely determined, that’s the nice word, my husband calls it stubbornness.  I can be relatively demanding, opinionated and sometimes argumentative but on the flipside of that I’m extremely loving, caring, and loyal and I will go above and beyond for those I love.  Unfortunately I often have high expectations of the people around me and it’s only because I have high expectations of myself.  I am also quite a relaxed person and I can joke around with anyone but I have no time for pussy footing!

So why am I writing this post? Mostly to come to grips with my dieting/eating/exercising history!

I’ve been Primal for coming up 5 years now, it’s worked for me! Now I have trialed a few different things throughout my weight loss/weight maintenance journey over the years.  I’ve done it all, low carb, high carb, intermittent fasting, nutritional ketosis, calorie counting both high and low, you name it I’ve done it and more recently I have tried a slightly higher carb version of Primal which has included safe starches.
This experiment has left me gaining weight.  I feel that I am just one of those people that cannot eat starches or sugars in moderation, I just can’t , I’ve tried a combination of it all, I’ve done more carbs and less fat, I’ve trialed different calorie amounts and I’ve also tried not counting my calories and just eating to my “natural hunger”.  What I’ve found is that I cannot eat that way and feel 100% at the same time.  I’d love it if I could but it turns out I can’t.  I don’t feel my best and I certainly don’t look my best.

What has worked for me for the past almost 5 years has been my original version of Primal where I never counted calories but I did keep track of my food in a food diary and had a fair idea of my calories (probably around 1500-1600 a day while in weight loss mode) I like to keep my carbs relatively low between 20-70 which includes lots of veggies, some fruit (berries), moderate protein and plenty of fat, and that’s what works for me, frankly I should have known better but I’m a bit of a experimenter, as they say if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it! I should have taken my own advice!

However I will say that I’ve learnt an awful lot about myself in this process.  This recent experiment of mine has left me gaining 6kgs and my beloved jeans don’t fit! Now don’t get me wrong, I think that the ‘safe starches’ debacle is great and for so many out there that really struggle with super low carb as I have in the past when going to low it’s great to experiment to find what works .  When I have my carbs too high (up over 100gms) I start craving all sorts of crappy food and I feel like I’m a heroin addict looking for my next fix! I think for me that there is a chemical reaction with these kinds of foods that send me on a downward spiral.

Mostly what I’ve learnt is that I don’t do well with moderation of any kind and I’m coming to a place of peace with that.  I cannot eat just one biscuit, I eat several, I cannot eat just one piece of pizza, I’ll eat the lot! And I cannot for the life of me just eat one potato, I will eat more than a person should!  I have trialed this on so many occasions that I’ve just had to realize potatoes might have to take a back seat even though they are my favourite thing to eat! Sigh!

So where am I right now? When I started my journey back in October 2008 I weighed 107.1kgs.  I lost 42kgs initially and got down to 65kgs (bikini picture on my blog), then I stabilized at 69kgs where I have stayed relatively stable for 4 years now (the last 6 months or so I haven’t weighed).  I broke my non weighing rule today after feeling like I needed a bit of a wakeup call! I was a bit gutted to see that I’ve gained back 6kgs from my stabilized weight so I’m now weighing 75kgs (as pictured to the right below).  I’m feeling pretty brave to be sharing this, I could just hide and not be honest?!! but the whole reason I started this blog was to have accountability, so here it is even though it feels somewhat scary this time around. Maybe it’s because I have so many more followers than I used to!I’m not going to dwell on this but I need an action plan! 

So where to from here? Back to basics, back to what I know best and that is 80/20 Primal, not 50/50! I know that it works for me and it feels completely natural.  What else it means is no more trying to kid myself that I can do Moderation! It might work for you but it sure as hell doesn’t work for me!