No magic pill!

My life felt like it only began after I’d lost my weight, beforehand I was so consumed with being fat and feeling down on myself that I couldn’t see past it, in reality I was just pained by emotional conflict, I never felt good enough or smart enough, I was just the pretty one who didn’t finish school and I felt so judged.  It wasn’t really the weight at all, the weight was just a symptom of my inner turmoil.  I had to hit rock bottom before I could muster the courage to change anything.  I started my own business because I had been made redundant and with the support of my loving husband who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself I was able to change focus, to find something I was truly passionate about and that I was good at, something that made me feel enough.  I believe that it opened the door to me starting to take care of myself, I discovered primal and the weight started coming off.  I lost the weight in a year, I was committed and focused and I felt like nothing could stand in my way.

The biggest hurdle I didn’t see coming was learning to live my life after weight loss because even though I was no longer obese, I still thought I could do with losing more weight.  Over the last few years I have battled with myself over still not feeling “enough”, when the truth of the matter is I am enough, right now at this size or any size.  My own ego was getting in the way of seeing myself the way that my closest family and friends see me, they don’t love me for my size, they love me for me, because of my spirit, because of who I am and how I make them feel.  Only now am I learning to truly love the person that I am and I am slowly realising that it has nothing to do with how I look or what I weigh.  This weight loss journey has taught me so much about myself, both the good and the bad.  If back then someone offered me a pill to take to make it easy I would’ve wanted it without a doubt, only now do I realise this far down the track is that no pill can ever do for you what self care and stepping outside of your comfort zone will do for you.