A bit lost!

It’s not always easy to share everything on social media and I haven’t been blogging for a while now as I have become a bit lost.  I have struggled to write for a while now as I don’t quite know where I fit anymore.  I have blogged for so long about my weight loss journey and identified myself with losing a large amount of weight and if I wasn’t writing about that then what was I going to write about, I guess you could say I had “writers block”.  I started writing about eating “Everything in Moderation” and more “Mindful Eating” and yet it wasn’t getting my juices flowing, I felt a bit flat writing about it.

At Christmas time I lost my stepdad who was like a Father to me, my own father has battled alcoholism and bipolar since I was 3 years old, suffice to say that I have a very strained relationship with my dad.  My stepdad filled a place in my heart that I thought would never be filled and as I write this tears stream down my face because i miss him immensely, it’s painful to deal with losing him and in some respects I’ve been in a bit of denial and really only just begun to grieve.  I think over the last 6 months or so I have been eating many of my emotions and tried to call it balance, it’s not balance, I lost that balance back then and I am in no way trying to blame shift, I’m just recognising that I am imperfect and that is ok, this is a tough journey and although last year I was doing so well I have lost that place of balance that I thought I had such a handle on.  So yes I have gained a few kilos and I don’t feel as comfortable in my skin, there I said it and it feels good to be real.
What I realised is that I cannot shift this extra bit of weight I’ve picked up without being real with myself and my readers, as much as this is my journey I cannot tell you that everything is peachy when actually I have been struggling.  Struggling to find my balance again.
I cannot be my authentic self, I cannot blog without living my truth, it’s just not who I am.  So here I sit in my slightly uncomfortable skin wondering where to now.  I have to be humble and remember what is important to me.  Balance is important to me but I cannot feel balance if I am uncomfortable in my skin, so I have to go back to the beginning and become more mindful with my food choices, no drastic diet per se just watching my portions and realising I cannot just eat whatever I want, that is not balance to me.
I want to keep blogging and although I have had a bit of a break from the blogging world I am ready to start blogging about my journey once again, I hope you are ready and haven’t lost interest!